Jerry

Thinking back on the kindness and good humour that was Jerry Ledbetter used to leave me in tears. To be frank Jerry was an alcoholic who accidentally drank himself to death before he made it to 26, Jerry was also one of the kindest and most genuine people I knew despite his tendency to be really silly sometimes. I had an insanely bad epileptic episode when I was 24, and after the seizure I woke up not knowing who I was, where I was or what was happening. When emergency services folks did show up I started getting aggressive with the cops and Jerry and My friend Diane calmed me down and got me into the ambulance. I was in hospital until about four in the morning and Jerry was with me the entire time making certain I made it somewhere safe. I'll never forget that. The kindness. That was Jerry's core character trait: Kindness. 

Dream

An impending apocalyptic battle has lead to the flight of most of the ancient houses and powers of earth's greatest warlocks,  sorcerers, and witches. My father having uncovered a treasonous plot for the escape of one our greatest allies has lead him to ensnare our ally Billy and my father has begun to consume his essence into a Soul Phylactery just as Billy is almost consumed and destroyed in the process I show mercy and stop my father from completely consuming our ally and force my father to heal him (which uses up a great deal of my father's remaining power and life force.) Billy betrays us like my father warned and evacuates himself to mars leaving myself and a small group of wizards as the final defenders of earth. We are doomed by my mercy.

Strange old aching comforting wishing a burden a compulsion for running fits with no shame. I've never had it in me to find a door. Medication by the shameful. I'm drinking myself into someone else. Hour can't alter misperceptions, my humbling shaking fits. Just to get out of this frame and shape some words. I wrap a knife in my glass and swallow like a friend.

In my life you're not a footnote

After a weekend of metal and delicious coffee I dreaded the drive home. It wasn't more than a few months after you had passed. The entire ride I scanned the road for some marker that you had been there perhaps an empty soda can or something else that had by some strange grace touched your hands and made its way into world. As we came closer to a place I assumed you must have left from my world became filtered by saline. I could find no mark on the road, nor great upheaval of earth, nor rosary mile marker where a man such as you had passed I expected a chasm to echo what was in my heart. Instead I was only left with the memory of your beautiful laugh slowly fading in my ears. I gripped the wheel tightly and spun out a playlist of standup to blush by and tried my best to match my laughter to that which I missed most.